This blog discusses mental health challenges that may be triggering. If you find such content distressing, please read with caution. Seek support if needed; you're not alone.

Mindful Journey

Mindful Journey

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with

Leerayto

Leerayto

Hello there, and welcome to my corner of the internet! I'm Lerato Mogajane, the eldest of three siblings and the only girl, born into a family where my unique journey of self-discovery began at a young age.

From as early as I can remember, my mind wandered into unusual territories, questioning life and existence. I vividly recall pondering on the idea that I might be the only real person, surrounded by robotic beings that only came to life in my presence. These thoughts, starting as early as age 5, marked the beginning of a journey filled with introspection and, at times, unconventional coping mechanisms.

One particular childhood memory stands out—a curious experiment with mixing mud and ants, to make a death potion, and a simple brick makeshift grave in an attempt to experience death. While these thoughts might seem alarming, they were early indicators of a neurodivergent mind struggling to make sense of the world.

School offered little solace. Labelled a "daydreamer" by teachers and misunderstood at home because of my impulsive actions which often put me in trouble, I grappled with the complexities of my inner world in isolation. Intrusive thoughts turned into self-harm, and by the age of 9, I had my first encounter with the darker side of my inner world, a suicide attempt by swallowing my mom’s pills, probably vitamin supplements, in an attempt to escape the complexities of my mind.

My journey continued, I was a chameleon, masking to blend in while my soul screamed in silence. Anxiety and depression were my constant companions. Then, in 2014, with my husband's unwavering support, I ventured into the unfamiliar territory of therapy. The diagnosis of Bipolar 2 brought a sense of validation, but the initial hope that the antidepressants would provide a quick fix soon faded because there was not much improvement. The journey, however, had just begun.

More suicide attempts and overdoses were my desperate cries for help and understanding. Self-medicating with alcohol, self induced sexual pleasuring and smoking offered some satisfaction followed by guilt and regret which often made me feel worse and more negative.

And then after many trials and errors, a diagnosis of ADHD brought a wave of clarity. Things truly started to make sense. Through research and reading books, I’ve finally started to understand my neurodivergent mind and found comfort in realising that I’m not the only one experiencing this and that there’s many of us. Some have already received the diagnosis, some suspect, and some are not even aware.

Since then, I've embarked on a journey of self-discovery and understanding. ADHD became the missing puzzle piece, shedding light on the challenges that had haunted me for years. It's a journey of highs and lows, a continuous exploration of resilience, and a testament to the power of self-acceptance.

Blog Index

1. Unraveling Triggers: A Compass for the ADHD Odyssey
   

Growing up, triggers surrounded me, pulling me into a whirlwind of emotions that, at the time, I couldn't comprehend. The undiagnosed ADHD in my life only added complexity, especially when it came to dealing with Emotional Dysregulation. One trigger that significantly affected me when I was growing up was the sound of laughter when I pass a group of people, triggering an unsettling belief that it was directed at me. This led to isolation and anxiety, making social situations challenging.

In simple terms, a trigger is something that sets off an emotional reaction. For me, the sound of laughter was a trigger—it caused a whirlwind of emotions, making me feel like it was directed at me and plunging me into isolation and anxiety.

For me understanding my ADHD diagnosis has been a game-changer. It has unveiled the intricacies of Emotional Dysregulation and shed light on the roots of my triggers. Living with heightened sensitivity, I've come to realize the impact on both myself and those close to me who often tiptoe around potential triggers.

Researching on Emotional Dysregulation in people with ADHD has been a crucial aspect of my journey. It has allowed me to recognize the patterns of intense emotional reactions, providing a foundation for effective coping strategies.

As I grappled with this aspect of ADHD, the realization that my emotional responses to triggers were influenced by a neurodivergent trait of ADHD, brought a sense of awareness and hope. It's not a lack of control but rather a neurological difference that requires tailored approaches for emotional well-being.

For those on a similar journey, managing triggers is an ongoing process. Here are some strategies that I have adopted to tackle triggers.

• Embrace Mindfulness: Dive into mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, to enhance self-awareness and regain control over emotional responses.

• The Power of Exercise: Engaging in physical activities not only benefits overall well-being but also increases dopamine levels—a crucial neurotransmitter, especially for individuals with ADHD.

• Open Communication: Initiate conversations about triggers with your inner circle. Educate them on the intricacies of your experience, fostering understanding without confrontation.

• Knowledge is Empowerment: Arm yourself with information. Explore literature and content that not only aids self-improvement but also serves as a reminder that you're not alone in your journey.

• Connect with Like Minds: Seek out communities, both online and offline, where individuals share similar experiences. Exchange insights, strategies, and support to create a network that understands your unique challenges.

Additional Tips:

• Routine for Stability: Establishing a daily routine provides a sense of stability, which can be particularly comforting during times of heightened emotional responses.
  
• Therapeutic Support: Consider therapy or counseling to gain professional guidance in navigating triggers and building coping mechanisms.